We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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