he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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