I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
