i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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