Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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