there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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