That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize