its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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