I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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