I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
