ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days