I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
