How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
