Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
