I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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