I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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