pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
