she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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