I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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