the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
