Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
