we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
