The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
