my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
