I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
