So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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