all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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