Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Please don't give away my fajitas
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
