Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
