Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So apparently I’m into choking now
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
