I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
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