Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
My feet surprised me
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
