my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
