were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
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I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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