I'm lost and stupid without you.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
