Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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