all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Randomize
