is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize