is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
