i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
