he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So much Jack, so little girl.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
