They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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