sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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