You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Randomize
