I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Randomize
