.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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