Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
