She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back