I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism