my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.