Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.