that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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