Pappa wants mamma naked
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
