All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
