i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
