I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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