guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
This toilet bowl is my home.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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