LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
