So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
