You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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