Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
