Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
