i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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