Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
