I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
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